Sunday, June 28, 2009

Somedays are better when they are over....

Today seems to be one of them. Billy Mays died today, I know the world is still frantic over Micheal Jackson and Farrah Fawcett but this one did me in. Why? I am not sure, I just felt like Billy Mays enjoyed life, and it saddens me that at fifty he is dead. I lost my mom when she was only 50, I was eighteen and not at home. But here it is, just because you are not home does not mean you don't love them, she unfortunately chose men over her kids. I have struggled with this for years but here is the reality, if just one person was an adult then I could have had an almost normal childhood, but alas, I had a crappy one. Now, let the record show as a teenager I made a few really bad decisions but why didn't anyone hang in there and fight for me. I wasn't a monster. Just sayin' I think for this reason, and maybe this reason alone, one day I will either adopt from an adoption disruption or take in long term foster placements. I am trying to mentally get myself ready for a difficult journey where there is no guarantee that in the end you get to keep the kid. But I have already traveled that path and learned there are no guarantees in life. You put the kid first, make the best decision, and move forward. Well at least you try to keep going.....A child is a gift, and not everyone gets gifts. Some days, I feel like a Jehovah Witness on my birthday....sorry bad joke. I was venting!
Today is almost over at this place, just one more church service where we sing and eat ice cream and I want to "get it over with" Don't get me wrong, I like visiting with the people from my church, I just feel really bad emotionally and physically. Tim is going to play his banjo, now that should be entertaining. At least he warned the folks. As for us, we will serve the Lord, so for now I am going to kiss my Hubby, call my MIL, and get on the road.

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